May the 4th be with you!

Today let's talk about where I fit in, and where I don't.

May 4, 2026
3 min read

Remember the ability to speak does not make you intelligent
- Qui-Gon Jinn

May the 4th be with you!

When I was younger, I learned pretty quickly that I wasn't like others. Luckily, I had parents that were all about community, and so I learned a lot about what "interacting with people" is supposed to look like early on. Nowadays, that is known as masking and boy is it relief to not have to do that as much.

As I've gotten older, I've worked on removing the mask and just being myself, but that means I've had to work on learning who I am, where I fit in, and where I don't. This thought process has had to be repeated in work, friendships, relationships, family, and literally everywhere.

Of course, I wanted to be methodical about it, so I started to find some patterns in how I can organize those feels and approaches. What worked for me (which doesn't necessarily mean it'll work for you) was to evaluate in each situation am I smart, wise, intelligent, or just ignorant. To break down what I mean by that let's get into my definitions a bit:

Smart - This mean I can solve quickly and easily
Wise - This is focused on what can I solve through pure gut instinct, no effort
Intelligent - With enough effort, I can work to understand
Ignorant - I'm on the wrong track and I flat out don't understand what do, time to mask up

I'm definitely not going to pretend like it's perfect, but it works well for me. It allows me to enjoy life in simpler ways without having to stress about how to approach a given situation. (Disclaimer: this doesn't fully cover situations where I'm overstimmed, but I digress)

Let's run through a few scenarios.

Friends: If I can't be "wise" and live in a way where things are just instinctual and overcomplicated, then that's probably not the right friend group for me.

Work: Be intelligent, putting in the effort can frequently get me to the right place. Let my skills there shine.

Relationships: I need to "smart." If it requires too much effort, then I can't relax and be the person I am with them. On the flip side, I know that if a relationship is too calm then it puts me into a bad headspace. (More on that in a future post.)

Family life: I'm down right ignorant. I try to mask up and do the thing that'll make my parents happy. It isn't easy, but I don't get how they think, and they don't get how I think.

How does this all relate to May 4th? It barely does, but, well, when I'm with my friends, I want to a full on nerd. In honor of that, I'm going to be hanging out, watching movies, and forgetting about the real world around me.